Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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