It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
