I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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