do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I need to sanitize my soul.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
