fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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