Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
