We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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