My nipple is on Facebook.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
