turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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