I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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