you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
