how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize