no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
