The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
