My girlfriend figured out who you are.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
