I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
