I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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