dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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