My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
