the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How does one acquire holy water?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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