I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
