FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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