I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
