there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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