kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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