No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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