So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
