Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
