Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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