if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
