I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
