Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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