Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
