I must be too annoying 4 u.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
