How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
