Got a toothbrush?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
