Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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