I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
