do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
