What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
