I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
