Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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