I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
