The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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