Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
