She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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