Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
