whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
