10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Houston, we have a blender
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
