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Where did you get a picture of my penis
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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