Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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