You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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