She's JV to your varsity
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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