If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
please don't ironically join a cult
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