Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
