i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
