Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
