Dual....:-)
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
