I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
