Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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