there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
