Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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