lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
