Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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