i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
