OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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