Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
