I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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