Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
