You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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