I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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