she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
