I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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